


Hate Mates

by Tousled_Sky



Category: Durarara, Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Chatting & Messaging, Comedy, Crossover, F/M, Gay, Getting Together, M/M, Matchmaking, Maybe not comedy to everyone but I mean I think it's funny, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2018-09-25 18:36:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9838292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tousled_Sky/pseuds/Tousled_Sky
Summary: "GC: W41T, W41T, W4IT.GC: YOU'R3 LOS1NG M3 4 L1TTL3 H3R3, K4NR4.GC: DO YOU H4T3 H1M L1K3 "1 W4NT YOU L1T3R4LLY D34D" H4T3? OR DO YOU L1K3 - "H4T3 H4T3" H1M?"Izaya finds an interesting online acquaintance in the dollar's chat room.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I never did think I'd end up writing a Durarara and Homestuck crossover, but yet here we are. And I'm not sorry.  
> It's likely that this will get a second chapter but I'm not sure yet ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> I hope you enjoy the story, loves~  
> EDIT: Here I am, crawling back into the Homestuck trash can - my favorite place, honestly! I've been meaning to fix this story for literally years - something went wrong with the formatting of the last two chapters and I never got around to it. But I dug up my old laptop today just to do this - I've got a new homestuck fic, which means I should probably finish my old one, lol.  
> Enjoy ;)

gallowsCalibrator is online!

gallowsCalibrator is an idle chum!

Kanra is online!

_K: Hey_

_K: Gallows?_

_K:You online?_

GC: Y34H 1'M H3R3 I W4S JUST G3TT1NG 4 S4NDWH1CH

GC: H1GH-QU4L1TY GRUBS4UC3

_K: It's made of grubs? That's gross, man._

_K: Or girl. I don't know if you're a girl or boy._

GC: 1'M 4 G1RL, DORK >;]

_K: Alright, one great mystery solved._

_K: But we still have the mystery of the leetspeak. What's up with that? The only people who do that are kids who are twelve._

GC: W3LL 1'LL H4V3 YOU KNOW 1'M NOT 12, 1'M 9.

_K: Well if that was true, I'd stop talking to you, but I think that's probably just about as true as your other crazy claims._

_K: "I have horns growing out my head!" "I live on a planet called Alternia!"_

_K: Where do you come up with this stuff?_

GC: GODD4NM K! WH4T'S W1TH TH3 4TT1TUD3 TOD4Y?! YOU'R3 USU4LLY MOR3 3V3N-T3MP3R3D TH4N TH1S. WHO SH1T IN YOUR GRUBFL4K3S? >:[

_K: Urgh._

_K: You know what, you're right._

_K: I didn't mean to be a huge bitch to you. I had a bad day, and I'm just stressed out. Sorry._

GC: 4POLOGY 4CC3PT3D, S1S. DON'T SW34T 1T.

GC: W4NN4 V3NT 4BOUT YOUR D4Y?

_K: Yeah, I think venting would help a lot, gallows. Thanks :)_

_K: I had another run in with our favorite protozoan._

GC: SH1ZU-CH4N! >:]

_K: Yeah, that monster! Well, we got in another fight. He landed a hit on me on my side - broke one of my damn ribs. It's bandaged now, but it hurts like a bitch and it's just a general pain._

GC: >:o

GC: H3'S 4 R34L H34D4CH3, HUH?

_K: He's a massive headache! I hate him so much. I just want to kill him._

GC: W41T, W41T, W4IT.

GC: YOU'R3 LOS1NG M3 4 L1TTL3 H3R3, K4NR4.

GC: DO YOU H4T3 H1M L1K3 "1 W4NT YOU L1T3R4LLY D34D" H4T3? OR DO YOU L1K3 - "H4T3 H4T3" H1M?

_K: What?_

_K: I hate him. I want him dead. How could it be different from that?_

GC: OH Y34H, 1 4LMOST FORGOT.

GC: TH4T YOU "HUM4NS" ON "34RTH" DON'T H4VE TH3 QU4DR4NTS.

GC: OR, YOU ONLY H4V3 ON3. K4RK4T'S 4LW4YS B1TCH1NG 4BOUT JOHN S4Y1NG H3'S "NOT 4 HOMOS3XU4L" 4ND NOT UND3RST4ND1NG HOW K4RK4T H4T3S H1M "TH4T W4Y".

GC: SO TH3R3S 4 LOT TO UNP4CK 1F W3 W4NT TO T4LK QU4DR4NTS. W3 C4N H4V3 4 FULL L3SSON L4T3R. R1GHT NOW LET'S JUST ST1CK TO TH3 QU4DR4NT 1N QU3ST1ON - K1SM3S1S1TUD3.

GC: TO PUT 1T S1MPLY - WH3N YOU H4T3 34CH OTH3R BUT ST1LL F1ND 34CH OTH3R HOT 4ND W4NT TO BON3, YOUR3 K1SM3S1S3S.

_K: Yikes._

GC: SO? SP1LL, K4NR4! 1S H3 HOT? DO YOU W4NT TO DO TH3 D1RTY W1TH H1M? 1S "SH1ZU-CH4N" YOUR "SH1ZU-M4N"?

_K: Oh my fucking god._

_K: He's certainly not my "Shizu-man", thank you for putting that image I never needed and never wanted in my mind._

GC: NO PROB, BOB >;]

_K: But, you know..._

_K: It's not like he's terrible-looking._

_K: He's actually pretty hot. Tall, blond, with long, strong horns..._

GC: >:o !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GC: SO YOU F1N4LLY 4DM1T TH4T P3OPL3 YOU KNOW H4V3 HORNS TOO!

_K: I was just fucking with you._

_K: Of course we don't have horns. We aren't Alternians. If that even is a real place._

_K: I'm pretty sure you're a troll, my friend._

GC: OF COURS3 I 4M!

_K: Alright then, that's settled._

GC: W3LL, 1TS 4 SH4M3 H3 DO3SNT H4V3 THOS3 "LONG, STRONG HORNS" TH3N.

GC: YOU KNOW WH4T TH3Y S4Y 4BOUT TROLLS W1TH LONG HORNS, 4FT3R 4LL >;]

_K: How would a human from a different planet know anything of your planet's horn lore?_

GC: HUM4N, SCHUM4N! 1'M SUR3 YOU KNOW 4LL 4BOUT TROLLS W1TH LONG HORNS.

GC: 4H, FUCK1N H3LL.

_K: ?_

GC: K4R'S BLOW1NG MY CH4T UP, 1 GOTT4 SPL1T.

GC: GOOD LUCK W1TH YOUR T4LL, BLOND, HOT H3AD4CH3, K~

_K: Thanks. Hopefully he doesn't cause me any literal headaches via headwounds._

_K: Catch you later, kiddo._

GC: >:]

GA is offline!

Kanra, confirmed dead!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING  
> Okay guys, look. This chapter really isn't that triggering, but I thought I ought to give you a heads-up. This chapter does include talk of kimesises, and kismesises do fight. The point is made that abuse and kismesistude are VERY different, and there's no graphic description of violence. But, if anyone thinks they might be upset by the idea of romantic partners who trust each other fighting one another physically, with intent to harm, this chapter might not be for you.  
> Okay, I just wanted you guys to be aware. End trigger warning.  
> On the other hand, this is my first posted multi-chapter fic! I'm excited about that. And I really do enjoy writing this fanfiction - it's a blast! Though I'm sick of having to look up how to spell "kismesis" or "auspistice", lmao.  
> I hope you enjoy this second chapter of Hate Mates, loves~

Blueshi is online!

carcinoGeneticist is online!

CG: Hey.

CG: You up?

**B: Unfortunately, yes.**

**B: I mean, I'm glad I get to talk to you.**

**B: I just should be asleep.**

CG: Where I am, it's not even sunrise yet. I've got a while before I need to sleep.

**B: Oh yeah, you're nocturnal.**

CG: Most trolls are.

**B: C'mon, this "troll" thing still?**

**B: You're just trolling about trolls.**

CG: About as much as you're "humaning" about "humans".

**B: Heh, I'm surprised you typed that with no caps lock and no expletives.**

**B: A few months ago you would have flown off the handle at me for that.**

CG: Yeah, well, I've sort of calmed down and grown up over the past few months.

CG: It makes sense. I'm on the lower end of the hemospectrum - everyone knows it by now, I don't know why I'm still using grey text - and I'm almost ten sweeps old. It figures that I'd start growing into my adult phase - growing out of my typing quirk, growing out of being a hotheaded, screaming kid that came thisfuckingclose to dragging all his friends into playing a game that would end the world and probably kill most or all of them. 

CG: I had a lot of anger issues.

CG: Can't say I miss them. Growing up ain't so bad.

**B: I wish that when humans got older, we grew out of our anger issues, too.**

**B: I have a lot. They were worse when I was younger, but they're still here.**

CG: We don't all grow out of them. You should see this one highblood friend I have. Granted, he's a blueblood, so he still has several sweeps before he grows into his adult phase; but good gog is he furious, constantly.

CG: He drops a glass of milk and flips the fuck out.

**B: Honestly? I would have done the same when I was a kid.**

CG: Not anymore, though?

**B: Nope. I'm less explosive now, but I still have my bad days.**

**B: Like today, for example.**

CG: Oh man.

CG: Want to vent?

**B: Not much to say, but sure. Some fucker was being difficult so I sent him flying three blocks over. Fucked him up and it pissed me off; I don't like being violent.**

**B: Maybe I need a girlfriend or something, to calm down.**

CG: Sounds like you need a moirail.

**B: Uh**

**B: I know you've already explained this, several times, but**

**B: I still don't really get it?**

CG: SIGH

CG: BLUESHI, OH MY FUCKING GOD

**B: Ah, there's the quirk**

CG: No, no, I'm fine.

CG: I only mash caps lock when I'm irritated, but I'm good now.

**B: You sure?**

CG: Yes, Blueshi.

CG: Okay. Here we go.

CG: Moirails are what you have dubbed the "best friend" quadrant, even though I've explained already that it's way more than that.

CG: Moirails balance out your temper. They're guardians, protectors - they protect you from the world by letting you vent to them when you're upset or in distress. They also protect the world from you when you're angry and irrational. However, the relationship isn't always active - it can be passive, as well. Just spending time together, talking, cuddling, kissing.

CG: The kissing of moirails is much different from the kisses of matesprits, however. Matesprits kissing is much more heated, while moirials are more platonic. Makes sense, since matesprists are a concupiscent quadrant - meaning they have sex.

CG: Of course, kismesises also have sex, but it's quite different from the sex of matesprits. Matespritship, a red quadrant, is built on pity, meaning they're very gentle with one another. Kismesisitude, a black quadrant, is built on hate, meaning they're very competitive with one another. 

CG: The other black quadrant is auspisticism. An auspistice is a third party in a kismesisitude. They act as a mediator, making sure the two kismesises don't kill one another. This is a very passive, rather than active, quadrant - I've never seen an auspistice actually get in between two fighting kismesises. They would probably end up dead if they did, and that wouldn't help anyone. 

CG: Instead of acting as a referee, they act as a friend that an upset kismesis can vent to, or whom will keep an angry kismesis from doing something they'll regret. A bit like a moirail, but they don't really do all the cuddling and kissing. 

CG: NOW do you understand?

**B: ...I guess?**

**B: I mean, I supposed it's not really that I don't understand the mechanics - I do. Even though they're confusing as hell, I do pretty much have those down. It's more like I can't imagine having such relationships on Earth.**

**B: Like, it's not that I don't understand the quadrants, it's just that I don't understand the appeal.**

CG: I don't understand the appeal of your human romance.

CG: Just one red quadrant? How boring.

**B: I really don't get the whole black romance thing.**

**B: Especially kismesis! Why would you want to have sex with someone you hate?**

CG: OKAY, OKAY. FUCK that noise.

CG: It's not just about the sex, as I'm sure GA has mislead you to believe. Like hell is it just "wanting to bone". Kismesistude is SO much more than hatesex.

CG: It's about rivalry! Obsession! Trust!

**B: Trust?**

CG: You REALLY have to trust a kismesis not to kill you when you two are having sex.

CG: They may hate one another, but they have a lot of intimacy and trust.

CG: It's a productive use of a hate relationship, while you humans just ignore that potential.

CG: Don't you have anyone you hate?

**B: Oh, I can think of one off the top of my head. An annoying little bastard.**

CG: Maybe you should pursue a kismesisitude with him!

**B: Um**

**B: Uh**

**B: No**

CG: Come on! It might help with your anger issues. After I started dating my kismesis, my rages got so much better.

**B: This guy just makes my rages worse! I hate being mad.**

**B: You can sympathize with that.**

CG: Not quite. 

CG: I hate being angry ALL THE TIME. Being angry SOME of the time; that's different. After all, when anger is appropriate, it can be a very powerful and good emotion.

CG: Having a kismesis allows me to have anger with a point, with a target. 

**B: I don't want to be angry, ever.**

CG: That is a fantasy. You will always have anger at SOMETHING.

CG: Having a kismesis allows a productive use for anger.

CG: Anger is a real and valid emotion. There are no "good" or "bad" emotions. Having emotions is what makes you alive. You should embrace all of them.

CG: Joy, rage, terror, contentment, irritation, horror, sadness...

CG: They're all real and they're all valid.

CG: Instead of trying to stifle so-called "bad" emotions, you should harness them and use them productively.

CG: You can use joy as inspiration for art. You can use terror to escape an enemy. You can use rage to start a fight with your kismesis.

**B: Hell, I don't need to target my rage towards him to start a fight with him. I already fight with him already every damn time I see him. The stupid bastard goads me to fight every time we meet.**

CG: It sounds to me like he has quite the black crush on you.

CG: Hell, it actually sounds like you two are already kismesises, and you just don't know it.

**B: Wait**

**B: You said an auspice keeps kismesises from killing each other, so obviously you aren't supposed to kill your kismesis...**

**B: Then why do they fight? If they fight, aren't they trying to hurt each other?**

CG: Well...it's complicated.

CG: It's quite common for kismesises to injure one another. In fact, it's quite common and sometimes even encouraged for kismesises to engage one another in aggressive combat. 

CG: Keyword being "engage". Spades sparring is an mutual activity between partners; this isn't one partner attacking the other. It is NEVER okay for a kismesis to kick the other when they're down. Abuse is different from kismesistude, and that's why it's so important that the partners in a kismesisitude are equals. They have to be able to attack AND deflect; they have to be equal in their fights. Besides that, they need to know when to start a fight, when to stop a fight, when to keep a fight going. It's all very complex. 

CG: But simply put, fights between two partners in a healthy kismesis relationships stem from rivalry rather than anger, are fun for both participants, and are never with intent to kill.

CG: It's a bit like feelings jams for moirails and kissing for matesprits.

CG: While both of those red quadrants have the intent of allowing the partners to escape the harshness of the world in the softness of an embrace, the fight provided by a kismesis allows both partners to escape the monotony of everyday life with the harshness of an attack.

CG: It's a thrill, a rush as you struggle to survive.

CG: Of course, it's more than just a cheap thrill. While red quadrants are all about accepting your partner as they are, black quadrants are about pushing your partner to be the best they can be - namely, through the rivalry between kismesises.

CG: Rivalry is grossly underestimated by you humans. It can be as intimate, fulfilling, and robust as the relationships of lovers. It's about adventure and being pushed to your limits.

**B: Goddamn**

**B: Stop**

**B: My brain is fucking melting.**

CG: Okay, okay, sheesh. Sorry for the spiel; I'm really passionate about the quadrants.

**B: I can tell.**

CG: You know what helps brain melt?

**B: What?**

CG: A tumble with your kismesis ;]

CG: I propose you go hunt down that "annoying bastard" with the black crush on you

CG: Take his hand

CG: Fall to one knee

CG: And say, "be my hate valentine, fuckass".

**B: Fucking hell**

Blueshi, confirmed dead!

CG: I might not be trolling about trolls

CG: But I was trolling you that time~

CG: :]

CG is offline!

GC: HMMM!

GC: 1'V3 GOT TH3 P3RF3CT 1D34~ 

GC is offline!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys, I knew I said that I said Terezi's "P3RF3CT ID34" would be in this chapter, but I lied ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. Sorry, loves <3  
> Anyways, here's chapter 3! I hope you guys enjoy~

CG is online!

GC is online!

GC: H333Y K4RKL3S~

CG: Oh for FUCKS sake.

GC: 4WW, WH4TS W1TH TH4T 4TT1TUD3, K4RKL3S? 4R3NT YOU H4PPY TO S33 YOUR  
K1M3S1S~?

CG: Do I really need to answer that?

GC: 1 GU3SS NOT

GC: B3C4US3 1 4LR34DY KNOW TH3 4NSW3R 1S "OF COURS3 T3R3Z1 MY D4RL1NG K1SM3S1S, OH HOW 1 H4T3 YOU~ <3<

CG: Yeah, that's *totally* what I would have said.

GC: >;]

GC: 4NNNNNNNNYW4Y, WHY DONT YOU M33T M3 1N H3R3? 1T'S 4 CH4TROOM I S3T UP: LINK

CG: OKAY, FIRST OFF

CG: STOP TYPING WITH YOUR MOIRAIL'S QUIRK. Jegus.

CG: Yeah, I fucking see you with those 8 N's.

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4

CG: THAT WAS 7

CG: Still too close >:[

GC: YOUR3 M4D 4T M3 FOR US1NG VR1S'S QU1RK BUT Y3T YOU US3 MY >:[ F4C3? H1POCR1T3 >:[

CG: FUCKING HELL

CG: IT'S NOT YOUR FUCKING EMOJI THING.

CG: The ">" isn't supposed to be horns, it's angry eyebrows, fucking hell.

GC: 1T C4NT B3 HORNS B3C4US3 YOU 41NT GOT 4NY, NUBBY! >:]

CG: you

CG: YOU

GC: LM4O!

CG: I'M DEFINITELY NOT COMING TO JOIN YOUR STUPID CHATROOM NOW, FUCKASS.

GC: OH CMON K4RK4T! DONT 4CT L1K3 4 SULKY L1TTL3 WR1GGL3R >:[

GC: YOU W4LK3D R1GHT 1NTO TH4T ON3, 4NYW4YS.

CG: I wouldn't go to it anyways! The last time you sent me a "link" to a "chatroom" it was actually a link to a pornsite full of weird puppet things.

CG: "Smutty Smuppets" or something. Where do you find this kind of shit, anyways?

GC: TH3 HUM4N D33P W3B >:]

GC: 4ND TH1S T1M3 1TS NOT 4 PORNS1T3, 1 PROM1S3! 

CG: Oh yeah, just like it was totally not a pornsite the last time. Spoiler: it turned out to totally be a pornsite. And a really weird one, too.

GC: 1 SP4D3S SW34R 1T.

CG: ...

CG: Okay.

CG: I believe you.

CG: But, what IS the link to?

GC: OH JUST 4 L1TTL3 CH4TROOM FOR YOU 4ND 1...

GC: 4S W3LL 4S OUR FR13NDS BLU3SH1 4ND K4NR4~

CG: Um

CG: Okay, but...

CG: Why?

GC: W3LL...

GC: HOW WOULD YOU L1K3 TO PL4Y 4 F3W ROUND OF K1M3S1S CUP1D? >;]

CG: For Blueshi...and Kanra?

GC: Y3P!

GC: GOOD P4R4PHR4S1NG, OH BR1LL14NT L34D3R!

CG: I fucking HATE you.

GC: I H4T3 YOU TOO <3<

CG: <3<

CG: But Blueshi and Kanra?

CG: Are you sure? Blueshi seems pretty hellbent on that "Izaya" guy, and Kanra seems pretty set on "Shizu-chan"....

GC: OH MY GOD.

GC: 1M 1N SP4D3S W1TH 4 R3T4RD.

CG: ?

GC: K4RK4T.

GC: FOR R34L?

CG:...

CG: Oh.

CG: OHHHHHHHH.

GC: *NOW* WHO'S COPY1NG VR1SK4? >;]

CG: Wait

CG: SHIT

CG: FUCK

CG: That was NOT intentional.

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4, SUUUUUUUURE.

CG: uRGH.

CG: But

CG: You really think that Blueshi is Shizuo and Kanra is Izaya?

GC: 1TS PR3TTY OBV1OUS! L1K3, BLU3SH1S 4LW4YS COMPL41N1NG 4BOUT B31NG TOO STRONG, 4ND K4NR4 T4LKS 4BOUT BLU3SH1 THROW1NG TH1NGS L1K3 V3ND1NG M4CH1N3S 4T H1M!

GC: 4ND WH3N3V3R ON3 OF TH3M 1S B1TCH1NG 4BOUT 4 F1GHT, TH3 OTH3R ON3 DO3S TOO! 1T L1N3S UP W4Y TOO P3RF3CTLY TO JUST B3 CO1NC1D3NC3. 

CG: Holy shit.

CG: That - actually makes a lot of sense.

GC: OF COURS3 1T DO3S!

GC: *1* C4M3 UP W1TH 1T, 4FT3R 4LL~

CG: Urgh.

CG: Well...

CG: I guess I should do my best to get them together. That way, they don't miss out on all the *ABSOLUTE JOYS* of a kismesis.

GC: Y34H, H4V1NG 4 K1SM3S1S 1S 4W3SOM3! 4T L34ST FOR YOU; S1NC3 1M 4 FUCK1NG CYL1NDR1C4L-L1QU1D-CONT41N3R OF FURRY B4NN4N4-34T1NG-M4MM4LS WORTH OF FUN~

GC: OH, 4ND YOUR3 OK4Y TOO. SOM3T1M3S. 1 GU3SS >;P

CG: You seemed to think I was more than just "okay" when we hung out last week ;]

GC: OH, YOU C4UGHT M3! Y3S, 1 *TOT4LLY* H4V3 TH3 HOTT3ST, S3X13ST, COOL3ST K1SM3S1S ON 4LL OF 4LT3RN14.

CG: Yeah you do, and don't you forget it.

CG: So

CG: How are we gonna go about kismesis cupid?

GC: W333333LL...

CG: That was six times.

CG: 8,7,6...The fuck is this, a missile launch?

GC: >;]

GC: 4S I W4S S4Y1NG...

GC: 1'V3 GOT TH1S P3RF3CT 1D34...


	4. It's been 84 years....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry you guys had to wait so long to find out Terezi's "P3RF3CT 1D34", but here it finally is! I hope you enjoy, and drop me a comment <3

GC has added CG to group: L1T 4F SQU4D!

CG: Terezi. 

CG: Please tell me you're fucking joking with this group name.

GC: NOP3! 4ND 1 LOCK3D 1T SO YOU C4NT CH4NG3 1T~

GC: 4ND W4TCH 1T W1TH TH3 R34L N4M3S, G33Z >:[ 1M 4BOUT TO 4DD TH3 MOST OBL1V1OUS SP4D3S SOULM4T3S 1N TH3 H1STORY OF P4R4DOX SP4C3 TO TH3 CH4T, 4ND TH3Y DONT N33D TO KNOW M3 BY 4NY N4M3 B3S1D3S GC.

CG: Okay, fine. Sorry.

GC: NO PROB, B4B3~

GC has added K to group: L1T 4F SQU4D!

GC has added B to group: L1T 4F SQU4D!

_K: Yo GC!_

**B: Ayo.**

**B: Is this the "GC" you were talking about, CG?**

CG: The very same.

GC: H3Y N3RDS!

_K: Charming as always, GC :P_

GC: YOU KNOW YOU LOV3 M3 >;P

_K: Guilty as charged._

_K: Anyways, what's with the group chat?_

GC: OH Y34H!

GC: K4NR4, M33T BLU3SH1! BLU3SH1, M33T K4NR4!

_K: Hello, Blueshi. It's a pleasure to make your aquantiance._

**B: Hello. Nice to meet you too, Kanra.**

GC: !!!!!!!!

GC: NO NO NO!

GC: TH1S WON'T DO 4T 4LL! >:[

_K: What?_

**B: What?**

CG: You see...

CG: GC and I have come to the conclusion through our chats with you, that both of you are in dire need of a kismesis.

GC: SO W3'R3 S3TT1NG YOU UP!

**B: No thank you.**

B has left group: L1T 4F SQU4D!

GC: UGH, WH4T 4 P41N.

GC: L3T M3 GO F3TCH H1M 4G41N >:[

GC has added B to group: L1T 4F SQU4D!

**B: No.**

B has left group: L1T 4F SQU4D!

GC: 1'M NOT GONN4 FUCK1N STOP

GC has added B to group: L1T 4F SQU4D!

GC has locked B in group: L1T 4F SQU4D!

**B: For fucks sake.**

**B: Why won't it let me leave?**

**B: Goddamn fucking shit**

_K: Hahahahaha_

**B: You shut up, Kanra.**

_K: Oh wow :/_

_K: Rude much?_

CG: Ah, young hate~

GC: S3R1OUSLY! YOU TWO 4R3 P3RF3CT FOR 34CH OTH3R! F1V3 M1NUT3S 1NTO M33T1NG ON3 4NOTH3R 4ND YOUR3 4LR34DY 1NSULT1NG ON3 4NOTH3R!

GC: 4 M4TCH M4D3 1N H4T3 H34V3N <3<

_K: Er_

_K: As funny as it is to see Blueshi throw a shitfit over being locked into the chat_

_K: I'm kinda with him on this one._

GC: !

GC: 4WW DONT B3 L1K3 TH4T K! CMON! 

_K: But online dating?_

_K: Really?_

_K: Next I'll be saying how I love cats, I love every type of cat..._

_K: And I don't even like cats._

**B: Then I already hate you.**

CG: See? You two are perfect for each other.

GC: Y34H! 4ND K, D1D YOU KNOW TH4T M3 4ND CG M3T THROUGH ONL1N3 D4T1NG?

_K: Oh yeah, you two are Kismesises, aren't you?_

GC: 1ND33D W3 4R3 <3<

CG: Yes, GC is my lovely kismesis <3<

CG: And we think you two would make a good pair of Kismeises, as well.

**B: CG, can you please unlock me from this chat?**

CG: Blueshi, please stay.

CG: I might be teasing you a bit, but I really do think that you and Kanra have something. This could be something really powerful if you give it a shot.

**B:...**

CG: Just give it a try? For me?

**B: ...Fine, okay.**

GC: G44444444Y

CG: GC, you're NOT HELPING

CG: And Blueshi, thanks, man. You won't regret this. You guys are honestly made for each other.

_K: How can you be so sure?_

GC: W3LL, L3TS TRY 1T ON FOR S1Z3! DO 4 L1TTL3 3XP3R1M3NT.

GC: L3TS H4V3 YOU GUYS G3T TO KNOW 4ND H4T3 34CH OTH3R~

GC: L3TS ST4RT ON TH3 PHYS1C4L L4Y3R! HOW 4BOUT YOU GUYS D3SCR1B3 YOURS3LV3S? BLU3SH1, WOULD YOU B3 SO K1ND 4S TO ST4RT US OFF?

**B: I'm**

**B: Uh**

**B: Blond...**

_K: Gross._

**B: How about you shut the fuck up, you little vermin.**

_K: My my, "vermin?" What big words for such a small mind!_

**B: It's not really a big word. It's only six letters.**

_K: Oh, you can count, too. Aren't you a big boy?_

**B: Yes, most people can count. Being able to count to six doesn't make you special, K.**

_K: How annoying. Shut up, Blueshit._

**B: That better have been a typo.**

_K: Nope! That's my new name for you. Blueshit._

**B: CG, have any ideas for a good insult out of the name "Kanra?"**

_K: Don't ask your friends for help just because your little brain couldn't think of any good comebacks._

GC: OH, TH1S 1S JUST TOO P3RF3CT.

GC: YOU GUYS 4LR34DY H4T3 ON3 4NOTH3R!

_K: Quite correct. I am not a fan of Blueshit._

GC: YOU S33M TO LOV3 TO H4T3 H1M, THOUGH.

_K: Indeed._

CG: Blueshi, what's your verdict on your feelings on your feelings towards Kanra?

CG: Do you love to hate him as well?

**B: Jury's still out.**

**B: I don't like to hate anyone.**

_K: How stupid._

**B:...**

**B: Even if I don't like to hate him, persay...**

**B: I'm not seeing any other emotion I could possibly feel towards him.**

**B: So...**

**B: Hate with a target, right, CG?**

CG: You got it, my man.

GC: L3T'S T4K3 TH1S P4RTY TO TH3 N3XT L3V3L!

**B: Wait what**

GC has created chat: H4T3 M4T3 HON3YMOON!

_K: GC_

GC: >;]

_K: GC don't you dare._

GC has locked B into chat: H4T3 M4T3 HON3YMOON!

_K: GC don't you dare put me in that chat._

GC: G3T R3KT N3RD

GC has locked K into chat: H4T3 M4T3 HON3YMOON!


	5. Finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, it's been a while (a hell of a while, honestly, haha), but here we finally are at the end of Hate Mates. I hope you liked this story, loves; let me know in the comments~

B has been locked into chat!

K has been locked into chat!

**B: God fucking dammit.**

**B: I don't want to be in this chatroom with you.**

_K: The feeling's mutual._

**B: Do you know how to leave?**

_K: Even if I did, I wouldn't tell you._

**B: Urgh, you annoying little pest. Fucking flea.**

_K:..._

_K: What?_

**B: What?**

_K: I'm a what?_

**B: A...flea?**

**B: You know what, nevermind. It's an insult I heard from someone else. Nevermind.**

**B: Why are you so worked up over it, anyways?**

_K:...Interesting choice of words, is all._

**B: Whatever. Figures a little brain like yours wouldn't know what a flea is.**

_K: I know what a flea is._

**B: Sure.**

_K: Fleas are small flightless insects that form the order Siphonaptera. As external parasites of mammals and birds, they live by consuming the blood of their hosts._

_K: Adults are up to about 3 mm (0.12 in) long and usually brown. Bodies flattened sideways enable them to move through their host's fur or feathers; strong claws prevent them from being dislodged._

**B: Wow, you can open Wikipedia in another tab and copy and paste. So impressive.**

_K: I will stab you._

**B:....**

**B: You'll what?**

_K: Stab you._

**B:....**

_K: *sighs*_

_K: A stabbing is penetration with a sharp or pointed object at close range. Stabbing differs from slashing or cutting in that the motion of the object used in a stabbing generally moves perpendicular to and directly into the victim's body, rather than being drawn across it._

**B: Back to Wikipedia, huh?**

**B: This whole brainiac act isn't needed. I know what stabbing is, stupid.**

_K: Then what's with the ellipsis?_

**B: The what?**

_K: *facepalms*_

_K: I already closed my other browser tab, don't make me navigate back to wikipedia._

_K: Let's just keep this simple, for your slow brain. "Ellipsis" = "..."_

**B: Oh, that.**

**B: No, that wasn't because I was confused or anything. I know what a stabbing is, obviously.**

**B: It was just weird, that you said you'd stab me. That's why I used them.**

_K: What's so weird about that?_

**B: Reminds me of someone else.**

_K: ...Of whom, precisely?_

**B: Fuck, it doesn't matter. It's** **like you said earlier - just an "interesting choice of words".**

_K: Oh, and now you're copying me too. Stupid and unoriginal._

_K: My my, blueshi-chan, you really are the whole package!_

**B: Don't call me -chan, you stupid flea!**

_K: Don't call me flea, you stupid monster._

**B: Don't call me**

**B: Wait.**

**B: What?**

_K: What is it now? Do you not know what a monster is?_

**B: Are you Orihara Izaya?**

**B: Taking you a long time to answer, Kanra.**

_K: Hardly. Impatient, aren't we?_

_K: And before you jump down my throat again, no. I'm not._

**B: You act like him.**

_K: I wouldn't know. All I know about him is everything everyone else does - his face and name._

_K: You seem to know a lot about him, though._

_K: Are you by any chance Heiwajima Shizuo?_

**B: No!**

_K: You answered that awfully fast, Blueshi-chan. Any proof?_

_K: After all, you said you were blond. Just like he is._

**B: I'm not him. Plenty of people are blond.**

**B: My name is Hamada, not Shizuo.**

_K: Hm. Shame._

_K: Shiuzo is quite hot._

_K: Are you there?_

**B: Yeah, I just almost died from inhaling water.**

**B: We're not even hatemates and you're already trying to kill me.**

_K: Haha, another point for me._

_K: But inhaling water? Are you really so shocked? Why?_

**B: Because**

**B: I don't know**

**B: I just didn't expect that.**

_K: Don't tell me you don't see it._

**B: I can say with certainty that I'm not sexually attracted to Heiwajima Shizuo.**

_K: In that case, I'll have to ask you to stop pursuing me in the kismesis quadrant._

_K: I don't need a blind partner._

**B: First off, GC is blind, you insensitive asshole.**

**B: Second off, I'm not fucking pursing you.**

_K: Insult me in one breath and then deny your hatred for me in the next?_

_K: You sure know how to flatter a girl, Blueshit._

**B: Are**

**B: Are you a girl?**

_K: Not that it matters, but no, no I am not._

**B: Is Kanra your real name?**

_K: It's my name to you, Hama-chan._

**B: Don't call me Hama-chan, you fucking pest.**

_K: I saw you typing, backspacing, and then typing again. You wrote "flea" again, caught yourself, and then replaced it with "pest", didn't you?_

**B: Fuck off.**

_K: Quite a brilliant comeback you have there. But, I probably actually should "fuck off", actually. At least for now._

_K: It's getting pretty late where I am. Probably where you are, too, considering we both speak Japanese and likely both live there and it's a tiny island nation with only one time zone._

_K: Anyways, It has been quite the terrible chat with you. I hated every second of it._

_K: I look forward to similar chats in the future._

**B: Oh, uh**

**B: Really?**

_K: Yes, Hama-chan._

**B: Well, I also hated my time with you, and would like to talk again.**

**B: You free tomorrow evening?**

_K: I'll be online at the same time as today._

**B: Well, uh**

**B: See you then?**

_K: See you then, stupid._

_K: <3<_

K is now offline!

**B: Likewise, stupid.**

**B: <3<**

B is now offline!


End file.
